Q I used to be a dancer. My body was my temple and my life. I ate extremely healthy foods, but not much, to keep lean but fit. I was very preoccupied with my outward appearance. I was constantly getting my hair done and spent hours putting on makeup. Though I took care of my skin, the makeup took its toll.
I’m now in my early 60s and I stopped dancing years ago. My marriage has fallen apart — he had an affair with a much younger woman he met at a Men’s Club — I don’t have children and am feeling borderline depressed. I feel as though my life has been for nothing.
Recently, at a get-together for a friend’s birthday, someone commented too loudly that I had “let myself go” and that I needed a wardrobe revamp. I left shortly thereafter with a headache excuse.
How do I change my life around at this age?
Done dancing
A Don’t sell yourself short. Just because someone rudely judged you doesn’t mean you are what they see. From my experience, once a dancer, always a dancer. Do what you love and makes you feel good. There are literally dance studios in every town/city across North America, so wherever you live, you should be able to find one close by.
Help out around the studio, teach, take classes yourself. You are NEVER too old to dance!
As far as your skin, your body and your wardrobe perhaps a visit to your GP would be a good start to see if you fall into the healthy range for your age and body type. Perhaps a dermatologist could help with your skin. Then choose a good friend whose fashion sense you admire, and ask her/him to help you with your wardrobe.
Feeling good about yourself comes from within; you need to look in the mirror and like what you see. With that inner strength comes a barrier between your soul and naysayers. You’ve got this!
Q My neighbour has an old dog who barks incessantly. She’s sweet and has apparently lived on this street her whole life (the dog, not the owner). I’m the newcomer, having just moved in about a year ago. The dog owner is a newly divorced mom of two who works from home.
I see her daily — on her porch, at her computer smoking and know from the smell that it’s not tobacco. And the dog is at her feet, barking at every person who walks by, every car that drives by, every leaf that falls. It’s unbearable.
I’m a dog lover and see that this woman is giving this dog the best of its last days, so I’ve been patient. But this could go on for years. I have a new baby and am also trying to work from home.
How can I best handle this situation without becoming the nasty new neighbour?
Old barker
A You sound mostly understanding and kind …. except when you judged the woman for smoking pot. Today, many people smoke weak strains of marijuana to help with anxiety, for medicinal purposes or for their own productivity. Maybe her second-hand smoke is beneficial to the dog in some way. Who knows? Point being, don’t judge others when you don’t know their reasoning.
With that in mind, you could talk to your neighbour and ask if it’s possible for her to have the dog on the other side of the house from where they normally sit. That might help. You could also move your baby to the opposite side of the house from the dog to lessen the chance of sleep disruption.
The weather is also changing and I imagine the dog will be spending less and less time outside. Be patient and forgiving.
Response to Reader’s Commentary (Oct. 12) Regarding the mom having difficulty arranging a playdate for her daughter (Sept. 18):
Lisi: Thank you for your commentary. Yes, children had more freedom decades ago, and were allowed to roam more freely. And I agree that parents were less involved in their children’s every waking moment.
But as you clearly stated, times have changed. Eight-year-olds don’t walk home alone from school. It’s not safe. And most children that age don’t have cellphones to call their parents and tell them where they are, or where they’re going.
However, I disagree that spontaneity is dead. I know plenty of parents with children ranging in age, and though most have scheduled sports and other activities throughout the week, most also have a free day or two (if not more) to just play.
I don’t think parents are removing the act of free play; I think they’re encouraging it.
