Melanie McGregor is the communications and advancement specialist for the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) Halton Region branch. - Canadian Mental Health Association photo
Melanie McGregor is the communications and advancement specialist for the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) Halton Region branch. - Canadian Mental Health Association photo
We may say this to someone we trust when we’re feeling upset, frustrated or angry and want to get it off our chest.
In fact, we’ve probably already planned how we can vent about all of our problems. That may be a great plan, but there is a second important question to consider: “Hey — can you listen?”
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We want to have these kinds of conversations in ways that respect others as well as help us.
Blurting everything out as quickly and loudly as we can might feel like a relief, but it could be a lot for the other person to take on. Maybe they have things going on that this may aggravate, or maybe they are left feeling on edge from the conversation.
Following are some tips to keep in mind for showing respect to listeners when we want to share challenging feelings:
• Ask if they are up for hearing you. Something like, “I’m really angry at someone and want to talk about it. Are you up for listening right now?” lets them consider if they have capacity at the moment. If they say no, respect their boundaries by moving on without challenging them.
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• Say what you need. It can help others know what to focus on and what they should listen for. “I just need a listening ear” or “Can you help me explore some options?” will help them prepare and know what to expect.
• Read the room. If you see that the person is distracted, confused or finding the conversation challenging, take a break. Pause so each of you can take some breaths, and ask if they are still up for the talk. If not, revisit it at another time.
• Give a specific thank-you. Show your gratitude not just for their participation in the conversation but for particular things that were helpful, such as “I really appreciate that you listened without giving me advice,” to show that the conversation was valuable to you.
Remember the “we” in “Hey — can we talk?” and strive to have conversations that are respectful to all.
Melanie McGregor is the communications and advancement specialist at the Canadian Mental Health Association Halton Region Branch, which provides mental health/addiction community support and education. Visit www.halton.cmha.ca for more information and follow @cmhahalton on Twitter.
